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1624 hrs
I have blog. I have DA. I have fotopages. I have facebook. Too much information. So many stories to tell. And sometimes, what I said or what I tell hurt others. Even myself. I pour out my feelings here, in Pegak.
When I created this blog, I wanted it to be diff from my last blog. I wanted this to be a new place for a fresh start. At first, I wanted to keep it private. I don't know what made me unprivatise this blog.
I regretted that stupid decision.
I need a hiding place. A place to be the other side of me. Or maybe to be the real me. Someone diff from what you know here and in person.
I found that place and I guess, I better keep it as it is...
* * * *
I went through my deviantart and fotopages and when looking at the photos, I suddenly miss the old time when I spend lots of time with Mr 350D.
I miss those times when I walk around with Mr 350D and just capture whatever I find interesting. Something I like. And the way I like it.I used to... like, spend the whole day in Kl. Walking from Ampang all the way to Time Square. Just to take photos.
There are lots of things and people to look at along the way. I don't really like KL cos it's too busy. But sometimes... sometimes... I feel like it's the best place to be, especially if one wants to look at things differently.
KL taught me lots of things.
When I first set foot di bandar metropolitan ni, I wasn't scared or ada culture shock. Maybe because before I went there, aku dah ada few frens from Semenanjung (I like to call Semenanjung as Tanah Malaya hahahaha...)
I just felt.... different. Kadang-kadang rasa out of place. Sometimes I even wonder, "What the hell I'm doing here?".. Well, I went there to study of course wakakakaka...
Well, turns out that my study wasn't just from books or lectures. I think, people around me at that time were the best teachers or lecturers.
I met all kinds of people. I studied attitude and how certain kinds of people treat certain kinds of people. I met wonderful people, back stabbers, liars, cheaters, honest people (very rare species I tell you...) and of course, some extremist dalam cara mereka tersendiri... Which until now I find very amusing....
Eventually, I changed. I'm not sure how much. But my friends back home said, a lot! Which I always deny.
Growing up in small town like Bintulu (Sarawak), I'm used to s-l-o-w motion punya barang/perkara/what ever. We have our own timing dalam buat sesuatu. We don't rush, we don't honk all the time, the road is only jammed during peak hours... Bintulu is so s-l-o-w and boring.
That's what I thought then.
Makin lama, aku makin boleh adapt dengan keadaan yang sibuk. When I went back to my hometown, suddenly aku rasa sangat lain...
No noise, not so many cars (time tu la...), people are walking in normal speed....
Masa first time cuti, I was happy to be home. Second time, I was like.. why is everything so slow?
But when I'm back in KL, semua benda tu dah tak penting. Looking back, I realised, tiap kali turun dari flight, I always tell myself to be ready. Ready for what, now, I'm not so sure. I guess ready for everything...
The pace, the surrounding, the people...KL taught me to be stronger. To be loud. To be whatever I want to be without thinking what people will say - which lots of my
family members thinks as rude, unappropriate and cannot be accepted.
I like film and broadcast. I studied communications.
My friends, families and people I knew back home said that I was just wasting my time. I don't have future in this area. I won't get any jobs when I come back. I'll be working in government sectors anyway walaupun study jauh2... Mostly, negative remarks. I even met one person, dari hometown saying this straight to my face.
I still remember what she said to me. Time tu we were at the airport, going back for Christmas. She asked me where and what I studied. I told her. And she straightly said, "You have no future. I have a friend, studied thesame thing, at the same place. Now she's in banking."
I was like..."Oh, okay..."
I'm not a bright student. I'm actually a very slow learner... I don't even know why I wanted to study. But when she said what she said, it hit me...
I don't care about her opinion. Or what people said. Walaupun, obviously mum was like...
"What are you doing? Broadcasting??? What the hell is that??? Don't get involve in politics. Don't marry someone from the government... (seriously.. -_-' ... she watch too many Nona nonsense), where are you going to work after this??? Be a teacher, be a nurse...bla bla bla..."
I love my mum. She's the best of the best of the best of the best friend I have.
But, I don't really like it when she's worrying too much. Especially after she heard nonsense stuff from nonsense people. Especially, org yang tak pernah, seumur hidup tak pernah... keluar dari Sarawak. Kalau keluar pun, only for 2 weeks cuti (WTH... -_-'... cuti doesn't count)
I tried to ignore what that person said but actually, sampai sekarang I still remember... I'm not sure why she said those stuff.
Is studying communication is a waste of time? Doing stuff you like is a waste of time? Working in a field you enjoy is a waste of time?
Personally, I prefer to work in area I enjoy rather than in area I don't like. I won't make lots of money but at least I'm happy. I was happy, being a freelance photographer (yang tak terrer)...
In one week, for 2 weddingds I covered, I earned around RM600. Only taking photos. Excluding the editing etc. 1 month? U do the math...
I also work for events...And sometimes I help out in charity works... I didn't get paid. But I was happy. What more can I ask?
Bila aku rasa sifat kemanusiaan dalam diri aku makin hilang, what I learned, from people around me, from class, from bad situation.... even from myself... buat aku manusia kembali. And I guess, I do appreciate things more now daripada back then.
I don't care if what I said and what I do tak memuaskan hati semua orang. What's more important to me is I'm happy with what I'm doing and mum knows what I'm doing.
So what if I only end up as a journalist and not an accountant? At least I have more interesting stories to tell my kids one day and not just boring stuff ...
"You know what kids (I want more than 1 wakakaka), when I was working for xxx (media company), I met lots of interesting people. I went to film fest, I met this person, that person, ate this, ate that (makan itu penting) and I travel here and have fun..."
If I'm working as ____xxx____ (selain dari what I like)
"You know what kids, when I was working for xxx (I hate account so my example will be any accounting firms wakakaka), I saw lots of money. Unfortunately, it's not mine. I went to lots of companies, met up with lots of important people and I get to do their accounts, not mine. And they have lots of money. And I don't. U know what I mean??? Oh, I travel a lot too. For conference etc. But didn't get chance to jalan2. Was busy with meetings. So, what do u think? Isn't it fun or what???"
* * * *
Okay...maybe my point is not enuff... but what ever it is... Please stop saying what you're saying. If you're happy with ur life, then.... live ur life saja la. Don't comment on orang lain punya life. We don't know for sure yet how our life will end.
Even until now pun, people still ask me, what will I be after graduate?
I will be myself la... takkan transform jadi Power Rangers or Super Saiya... *sigh*
Actually, it's a miracle I even sambung my pengajian. Lambat than my friends but who cares. God has His own ways in doing things. Well, I really hope this ends well... Not just for
me but also for my family.
I set the bar for Ekiel and Belle. And mum's kids are not ALL stupid like what I heard people said.
Yaaa....!!! Mulut orang susah nak tutup.
Sentiasa ada persaingan. Which I never take part in. Like I said, I'm a slow learner. I have to work like 10 times more than average smart people.
My worst enemy and competitor is myself.
Kalau la kemalasan yang timbul dalam diri sendiri pun aku tak boleh nak lawan, kawal atau hapuskan, how on earth do you think I can compete with other people?
That's what Kl taught me, yang tidak di ajar di Bintulu.
We were taught to be obedient (which is in MOST matters are good but not in education) and .... jadi la pekerja MLNG, SHELL atau ABF baru kau di respek orang. Tambah lagi satu company, MURPHY'S OIL. Or, jadi la cikgu, nurse atau accountant.... You will have a future hehehehe...
Hey, I'm not against people yang bekerja di tempat2 yang disebutkan. I'm only against pemikiran orang yang cannot accept new things especially in education. Example, like photography. But hey... I noticed ramai orang Bintulu now involve in photography and that's good...
Bukan photography macam Sunshine Studio Medan Jaya but more kepada street style. And that's interesting. And gambar wedding pun dah makin chantek. Bukan lagi over glowing photo dengan bibir pengantin perempuan kembang merah macam kena gigit semut api.
Walau apa pun, I love Bintulu. Spending so much time here in Sememanjung makes me scared. As much as I like what KL taught me, nothing beats the feeling of being home, in a place where I belong (but rasanya lepas ni ramai dah tak welcome me...but who cares)... living life in a simple, blissful way...
Bintulu takde train, the bus systems is sux to the max, the town is small, we only have 2 shopping malls dominated not by branded stores but only fake Sogo, 1 more coming and that makes 3 shopping malls, we don't have McD but I don't mind cos I don't like McD except for the Prosperity Burger, we have Pizza Hut and KFC (thank God for that) and I heard San Francisco is coming to town (hopefully before Santa does)...
We don't have stupid Chicken Rice Shop or Kenny Rogers or Burger King... But we have lots of kopitiam, Singapore Chicken Rice and Sugar Bun. We have beach, cleaner air, and the things I like most about Bintulu or Sarawak in general....
We have a peaceful place to live in.
That's the plus point of being under develop hahahahaha....
Both place ada pros and cons....
My way of living in both world -
Ignore the loud minority, hold on the supporting majority.
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