Bila Anda Ada Kawan Seperti Saya Ada...

Sebelum mula menulis, aku dah siap2 mintak Jonsi temankan aku. And geng-geng dia yang lain - Sigur Ros. Untuk kekuatan memuntahkan entry ini hahaha. Intro macam bodoh.

Shiiii-laaa-kaaa

(okay, kata hikmat ni aku pinjam dari movie yang di review secara simple oleh Step)

Entry ini bukan pasal movie tersebut - The Ghost Must Be Crazy (Link pun aku copy dari Step wakakaka) tetapi pasal kejadian yang berlaku selepas itu. Seperti yang dinyatakan oleh kuyat berkaki pendek ini, aku n dia pergi ke 1st Avenue untuk berjumpa dengan seorang sahabat lama yang sama-sama tarik hingus masa sekolah rendah dulu. Kita bagi nama dia Biskut la k. Senang. Sebab tepi laptop aku ada biskut.

Sebelum jumpa Biskut, aku dah bagitau Step, perangai Biskut ni lain sikit. Ada sedikit aura2 dewa di langit. Berlagak la.

Actually, Biskut dah mesej aku awal-awal. Berikut adalah pebualan kitorang through sms :

(Semua dalam Bahasa Sarawak - pandai-pandai la korang translate k? hahahha~ malas nak translate kan )

B : Pa molah? Ku kat Penang. Esok balit.

A : Sapa tok? Sorry, hp ku ilang riya

(Phone lama aku kena curi dgn number2 skali sbb aku suka save dlm phone memory. Sebenarnya aku ada save number mamat ni tp dalam phone DiGi n bukan Maxis hahaha - adoii~)

B : *Biskut Lexus* (bukan nama sebenar) yo

A : Haha. I'm watching movie. In Komtar (yang sebenarnya Perangin) right now.

B : Me too la, come I show you my shop location

A : Tunggu habis movie k?

B : Kul brapa?

A : X tauk. Baru start tok haha

Aku pun sambung tengok movie. Few minutes later. Another text came in. From him :

B : I wanna go to Gurney via bus.

Aku berkerut sedikit tengok mesej tu. A bit annoyed sebab aku tengah tengok movie. And aku reply seringkas yang boleh :

A : 304 - merujuk kepada number bus yang pergi ke Gurney.

Langsung dia senyap lepas tu. And aku pun sambung bergelak ketawa menonton movie separuh paloi dari Singapore ni. Boleh la tahan menggeletek jantung. Selesai movie, aku teringat kat dia. I felt bad because I answered dia macam tu. So aku text dia :

A : On your way to Gurney already?

B : Belum sis

Gila. Buat aku makin rasa bersalah. Aku sangat bersalah bila aku buat jahat n orang panggil aku sis lepas tu. Rasa macam sangat-sangat bersalah. I dunno why but this is just what I am.

A : I wanna go back already. Where are you? Tot u go to Gurney already.

B : In 1st Ave. *smiley* Ok then, bye.

Damn. kenapa aku rasa bersalah? So, aku pun kata :

A : There's nothing in 1st Avenue la hahaha. Come la lets meet for a while. jaik jak rasa sik jumpa.

B : Cney? 1st Avenue building design interior reminds me of being in Singapore. Where you wanna meet? Lets drink something *smiley*

Now aku boleh rasa dia actually mesej tadi sebab nak ada kawan. Tapi, aku serba bersalah jugak dengan Lia yang tengah sakit perut n Step yang tengah syok mencedok yougart. So I told them I wanna meet him. And suggest to Lia untuk wait for rakan-rakan lain di bus station yang dah berjanji untuk jumpa kat sana. And kalau bus datang awal, just balik dulu sebab dia sangat-sangat tak selesa. Aku mintak Step temankan cos I dun wanna meet him alone. And I didn't plan untuk stay lama-lama.

A : I'm with friend la. Baru balit church tadik. Where are u in 1st Avenue?

B : I'm walking out now. Station 1 can?

Mana la pulak Station 1 ni? Aku dan Step dah di dalam 1st Avenue. Malas nak berjalan ke hulu ke hilir dah. So, aku reply dia balik, suh dia masuk semula ke 1st Avenue.

A : Where? Aku 1st floor 1st Avenue tok. Nangga bra (Which is not true. Aku saja letak sbb aku memang suka mengarut)

While waiting for him, aku bagi warning sikit to Step about him. So that nanti kalau jumpa, dia tak terkejut kuyat. Tunggu punya tunggu, tak muncul. I showed her his photo supaya dia boleh tolong locate Biskut. Kot2 ternampak. And then, lepas tu aku nampak dia. Berjalan dengan santai and relax macam orang normal di level ground floor. Aku ni jenis tak malu - so aku jerit nama dia. He heard me and tercari-cari. Aku suh dia pandang atas. Dia pun pandang - and aku confrim confident, dia nampak Step jugak.

Tiba-tiba bila dia jalan ke escalator, gaya jalan tu terus berubah. Jadi cool and ... ... ... ... berlagak? Aku geleng-geleng kepala je la. And buat bodoh.

Peristiwa seterusnya berlaku seperti apa yang di ceritakan oleh Step dalam entry ini.

Actually, he's a nice guy. Dia childhood friend aku. Tapi, dia banyak berpindah randah sebab parents dia bertukar-tukar tempat kerja. Dia dari keluarga yang senang. Berbeza dengan aku yang dari family - erm, kurang senang. Nak kata sederhana pun tidak.

Masa sekolah dulu, sekolah rendah - kitorg tak la rapat mana. Dia dengan gang high class dia. Aku dengan gang middle class aku. Tapi, bila masuk sekolah menengah, aku termasuk dalam kelas pelajar pintar (time tu la. sekarang ni kurang pintar sikit sebab selalu culah2) - yang rata-rata terdiri daripada mereka-mereka yang lahir dalam keluarga yang senang. The elitist la konon. Mudah nak cerita. Being around them, aku rasa insecure. Aku rasa bodoh. Hodoh. Miskin dan pelbagai lagi perasaan negatif lain.

Perasaan negatif aku menjadi semakin negatif bila aku selalu menjadi mangsa suruhan. Tapi, dalam masa yang sama, aku ada sorang kawan baik. Pompuan. Pun elit. But she's very kind and gentle. Even until now. Cuma sekarang kami tidak rapat. Masa menengah rendah (junior high school), family aku ada krisis kewangan. So, untuk berjimat, aku selalu bawa bekal. Bekal tu kadang-kadang mak aku sediakan. But biasanya, aku sendiri bangun pagi n sediakan. Bekal popular aku zaman tu adalah nasi goreng corned beef (nasi putih, goreng dengan daging lembu dalam tin). Mudah, cepat n sedap - sebab aku suka corned beef.

Jenama ni famous pada 90-an. Dulu sedap. Daging banyak. Sekarang rasa macam makan tepung.

Masa rehat, aku and kawan aku ni akan share bekalan makanan. Dia punya makanan of course la sedap-sedap. Dia kata nasik aku pun sedap hahaha. Ada satu masa tu, mak aku yang gorengkan nasik goreng kegemaran aku ni. Tengah-tengah makan, Biskut and kawan dia - kita panggil Kaya la k - datang la. Diorang pun bawa bekal. Tapi bekal diorang roti sosej la etc (masa tu roti sosej mahal. Sekarang seketul RM 1.20, RM 1.50) yang dibuat sendiri oleh mak diorang. Ulang sekali lagi - DIBUAT SENDIRI OLEH MAK DIORANG.

Ye, mak diorang, selain dari kaya rayap, juga hebat di dapur and sentiasa memastikan anak-anak makan dengan sebaik mungkin. Well, Kaya datang and tengok apa aku and kawan aku makan. Dia tengok, and cakap-cakap and gelak-gelak dengan Biskut. Aku copy balik cerita ni dari entry 1984 k :

"During recess, Brian (my classmate – anak org senang jugak), looked at my nasi goreng and said, “What are u eating?(sambil makan roti sosej made by his mum). Looks like my dog’s food la hahahaha!!!”. Danggg…! I was very hurt. But I didn’t said anything. And then Pris said, “You shouldn’t said that. Whatever we’re having, made with love by our parents. Just like yours. You shouldn’t said makanan org lain macam makanan anjing.”

Aku tak sanggup nak re-type hahaha. Nanti tak pasal-pasal pecah empangan mata ni hahaha. Rest of the story boleh baca kat entry 1984 la k. Terasa sangat hina la masa tu.

Tapi, aku tak marah la. Cuma aku terasa hati.

See, we come from different background. Cara kitorang dididik and dibesarkan adalah berbeza. Our parents are strict. Sama-sama garang and sangat mementingkan class. Not mine la. Kitorg dididik dengan cara yang garang, brutal n sadis. Bapak orang pukul guna rotan, bapak aku pukul guna kayu penyapu. When we engkar, we're not allowed to eat. Kena perintah berkurung kalau asyik bermain di luar. Tak reti belajar, kena sebat. Tak dengar cakap, depan-depan orang kena tengking. Bilik sepah, satu rumah kena kemas. Bangun lambat, kena bantai. Abang aku kena sepak hahaha. This is just some of the army-like-training kitorg dapat kat rumah.

While kanak-kanak dari golongan elit ni, aku tak tau macam mana parents diorang didik. From what I see that time, mak garang - sebab bila mak jerkah, diorang dengar. But dengan dad manja - bila mak jerkah, lari pada ayah and peluk-peluk manja. My siblings and I?

Kena jerkah dengan daddy, lari pergi mummy, kena rotan hahaha.

Our social circle adalah lanjutan dari apa yang ada dari rumah. Aku berkawan dengan orang yang latar belakangnya sama macam aku jugak. Cuma bila masuk sekolah menengah, secara spesifiknya, masa junior high school n senior high school, baru la aku bergaul dengan elitist ni. Diorang dengan diorang sendiri pun akan berlagak and cuba merendah-rendahkan antara satu sama lain. Backstabbing, gossipping etc adalah perkara biasa. Dengki mendengki. Kawan tak kawan hahaha. Aku belajar dari sini la hahahahaha...

So, Biskut and Kaya - bestfriend. Diorang takde la bawa perangai macam ni. Cuma, mangsa diorang adalah orang-orang macam aku. But, bila direnung-renungkan kembali, aku rasa masa Kaya kata makanan aku tu makanan anjing, aku tak rasa he meant it untuk menyakitkan hati. Dia nak bergurau but gurauan dia sangat tak kena pada tempatnya hahahaha.

Membesar dalam kelompok yang berbeza, aku tak paham cara dia bersosial and dia pun tak paham cara aku bersosial. But thank God, Dia bagi aku skill "cepat adapt" dengan keadaan persekitaran dan juga skill sesumpah (binatang boleh tukar2 warna kulit). Instead of trying to make them understand my background, I tried to blend in to their society. Bad move but at the same time, smart jugak. Aku lebih kenal mereka-mereka ini. But they don't really understand me. The real me.

Menengah atas (senior high school) - aku 'lepaskan' sedikit demi sedikit the real me. Pantang orang usik, aku jadi askar yang bapak aku ajar. Aku pernah terbalikkan meja satu kelas gara-gara ada orang ambik kerusi aku (Kerusi aku adalah salah satu kerusi yang dalam keadaan elok pada masa tu). And mulut aku start shiii-laaa-kaaa. Aku lebih mudah say what's on my mind and be myself. This, membuatkan aku lebih ramai rakan-rakan dari opposite sex, termasuk Biskut and Kaya. And they also sedikit sebanyak dah boleh memahami latar belakang aku. They know aku bukan dari family yang senang. They know what I like etc, and most of it I can't afford. Even library membership.

So, one of them (bagi nama Anlene) selalu meminjam buku dari library untuk keluarga-keluarga yang bekerja di SHELL, MLNG, ABF - buku-buku Enid Blyton adalah favourite aku masa tu. Dia pinjam. Buat-buat baca dalam kelas, depan aku, sebab he knew I really, really loved to read. Bila aku pandang je, Anlene jeling. Dia tutup buku. Datang ke meja aku and letak buku atas meja. Ayat biasa dia pakai, "Aku dah habis baca. Ko baca la. Sayang hantar awal2".

Aku belek belakang buku. Baru pinjam ari ni. Seminggu lagi nak hantar. Masa tu, dua hari je aku dapat habiskan sebuah novel. Ye, aku suka membaca. Thanks to Anlene yang berlagak dan perasan hensem (he's very handsome btw sbb dia berdarah campur), Bahasa Inggeris aku not bad masa tu.

Another guy, kita panggil Goku - Selalu bawa komik dia ke sekolah. Ayat biasa, "Aku beli komik baru marek. Ko orang kedua aku bagi baca." Padahal aku tak mintak. And yes, aku memang suka baca komik.

Kaya selalu share his buns dengan aku. Alasan dia,"mak aku molah banyak la pagi tadi. Dah boring ku makan." And he'll eat my bekal. Yang kuantitinya sebenarnya lebih banyak dari bun yang dia bagi.

Biskut... Biskut pun sama. Sometimes belanja makan di kantin. Sometimes tanya apa aku nak. Tapi aku tak pernah jawab sebab kalau aku dapat something yang bukan parents aku beli, aku akan kena sebat.

Dan bermacam-macam lagi cara diorang menunjukkan kebaikan tapi melalui cara yang... Kalau orang lain tengok, macam sangat berlagak. Aku tak ada duit. So aku selalunya tak mampu nak bagi diorang apa-apa. Cuma yang aku pasti, masa tu aku selalu kasi pinjam telinga untuk mendengar luahan n masalah diorang. And sometimes menjadi tukang bagi nasihat. Walau pun mostly nasihat aku tak boleh pakai.

Itu dengan budak-budak elit lelaki. Dengan perempuan aku masih kurang selesa. Melainkan dengan kawan aku yang sorang tadi.

Fast forward ke 5 or 6 tahun lepas. Masa tu Friendster tengah hot and terkini.

Aku reconnect balik dengan semua jantan-jantan elit ni. Seronoknya bukan main. Anlene yang playboy masa tu ada gf yang cantik. Sepadan dengan dia. Aku di KL, dia pun di KL. We planned to meet, tapi tak pernah jumpa.

Ada sekali aku balik Bintulu, I went to my back to my old school. Kebetulan Anlene lalu, naik motor. Dia jerit-jerit dari jauh. Aku ingat ada orang nak mengorat (gila perasan cantik okay dengan spec ala nerd frame kaler merah sirap). Aku buat bodo. Pandang tempat lain. Tetiba motor dia berhenti tepi aku. Dia buka helmet. Muka macam happy. Tapi ayat yang keluar dari mulut berbaur poyos. Like before. Like always.

"Hey, how are you? Long time no see eh? Doing great?," sambil mengusap rambut ala-ala dalam iklan minyak rambut and kening terangkat. Aku jawab la aku ok. Lepas berborak beberapa minit, dia pun pergi. Aku cuma mampu tersenyum n geleng-geleng kepala.

Aku jumpa Kaya and Biskut pun dalam Friendster. Yang paling rajin mesej aku adalah Biskut. Dia selalu update pasal diri dia. And share banyak benda. Kadang-kadang, aku kembali memegang peranan asal - menjadi tong sampah tempat dia membuang masalah. Tapi aku tak kisah. Dia kawan. Sahabat lama.

Fast forward ke tahun ini.

Di Penang. Selepas banyak kali merancang untuk berjumpa sejak beberapa tahun sebelumnya, kitorg akhirnya berjumpa semula buat pertama kalinya beberapa bulan yang lepas. Before that, kitorg cuma sembang-sembang dalam Facebook (Friendster dah outdated ok. Tapi aku masih simpan akaun tu sbb mesej2 Mr J ada dalam tu ngehehehehe).

Aku teruja nak jumpa dia. Dalam masa yang sama, takut juga. I'm still me. Dia?

Worst fear confirm bila dia datang dengan perangai douchebag-nya. Fakk. Aku sungguh-sungguh menyampah. Aku rasa-rasa macam dia kutuk nasik goreng aku walaupun pada masa tu aku tengah makan chicken chop. Dia masa tu komplen makanan tempat yang aku suggest untuk hang out - Coffee Island di Persiaran Gurney.

Aku suggest tempat makan tu sebab tempat dia terbuka and aku suka suasana relax kat situ. And sebab kedua, aku nak bawa roommate aku yang kaki makan merasa makanan kat situ.

Masa tu aku rasa macam kat high school balik. Maybe sebab lama tak jumpa, aku jadi tak biasa dengan lawak-lawak sinis orang-orang elit ni. But, maybe salah aku jugak sebab bawak roommate aku. Aku tau Biskut jenis orang macam mana - And, ni first time jumpa lepas habis high school. Dia mesti tak selesa. Aku pun tak selesa. Sebenarnya, aku tak selesa jugak keluar dengan dia sorang. Sebab tu aku bawak rommate aku.... huhuuh...Wrong move I guess.

Keadaan tak sebagus dalam FB. Kitorg tak banyak bercakap. Tapi bila balik, contact balik guna FB, dia okay lagi.

Fast forward to today.

Masa nak jumpa dia, aku jadi ragu-ragu balik. Dulu masa 1st time jumpa dia, aku terkejut dengan accent dia (lama tak dengar dia bercakap secara live di depan aku), dengan cara dia etc... Sebenarnya tak banyak beza dengan masa sekolah menengah.

Step, accent nya nang kedak ya sejak skool. Sebab di rumah nya memang klakar orang puteh jak.

Masa tunggu Biskut, aku try untuk jadi aku masa di high school. Cuba untuk jadi part of his world. Tapi, aku rasa, kalau aku buat macam tu, aku akan deny siapa aku sekarang. My real self. Aku menimbang-nimbang guna dacing BN dalam otak...

So I decided to be myself and a bit of my high school persona. It's a good thing aku ajak Step dengan aku (walaupun dia mungkin kurang selesa - sorry Step!). Having her with me at that time buat aku jadi diri aku. Lebih confident hahaha.

Biskut datang - masa mula-mula jumpa, aku jadi budak sekloah menengah. Bila dia start je suggest tempat-tempat lepak yang mengarut-ngarut, aku jadi diri aku sendiri. And aku rasa, lepas high school, dia mungkin takda kawan yang shii-laa-kaaa macam aku, jadi dia a bit terkejut.

Aku terus je jadi aku sendiri - even masa lepak pun - and berlaku la kejadian tembak-menembak antara aku dengan dia di OldTown 1st Avenue...

Yang akhirnya mengurangkan ketegangan antara aku dengan dia. Dia pun kurang layan laptop and hand phone. Cuma ada masa kalau dia tak pay attention pada apa aku cakap, aku tendang kaki dia hahaha. Aku bencik kalau orang tak tumpukan perhatian masa aku tengah bercakap. especially kalau perbualan tu engkau yang start dulu.

Kemudian datang Lia dengan cerita seram kena kejar dengan lelaki India and cerita babi golek, plus si Kevin yang mengumpat pasal lecturer selepas balik dari gereja and etc... Semakin mengurangkan ketegangan.

Masa dia balik, aku mintak maaf sebab tiap kali jumpa, aku mesti bawa kawan. Aku takut dia kurang selesa. But he said it's okay. It was awkward, especially bila cerita serious tiba-tiba bertukar jadi cerita babi golek. It wasn't really his type of conversation hahaha. Tapi dia ada gelak-gelak gak. So, I guess, it was okay then... I really hope so.

Biskut - like I said earlier, is a nice guy. Lain dari Biskut yang aku kenal masa sekolah, tapi aku pasti Biskut yang lama masih ada dalam this new Biskut. Aku rasa dia try very hard to act cool, especially dengan orang-orang yang baru.

Aku ada ramai kawan-kawan yang pelik. When I said weird, sila imagine Lady Gaga dan orang-orang seangkatan dengannya. Kawan aku paling tua, lebih tua dari bapak aku. Bila orang tengok, first impression diorang biasanya buruk, negative or tersasar. But, bila masing-masing dah bergaul, boleh la menerima sikit kot. Tadi Biskut masih lagi tidak terbuka. Nampak sangat awkward hahahaha.

Aku ramai male friend dari female friend. Sebab dengan male friend, aku boleh cakap sesuka hati. Nasib baik la kuyat-kuyat perempuan yang aku kenal di USM ni, especially dalam CUS, sama spesis macam aku - semuanya jantan tak jadi - So, aku boleh cakap lepas je dengan diorang. Gurau2 culah, cakap2 culah and share whatever that's on my mind.

Bila anda ada kawan-kawan seperti yang saya ada....

You'll see yourself dengan cara yang berbeza. Dari pandangan yang berbeza. And it helps you to appreciate yourself more.

That's what my relationship with orang yang pelbagai ajar aku.

p/s : Entry ni ditulis dengan perasaan yang bercampur baur. Jadi, sila abaikan kalau ada part-part yang tak ada kaitan antara satu sama lain. Aku cuma bercerita mengikut skrip yang dikeluarkan oleh hati aku masa ni.

Ayat penutup yang bunyik macam bodo gak.

7 Signs Your Honey May Cheat

Balik dari menyesatkan diri, aku menggodeh news di tenet. Membaca dan mengikuti apa yang patut. Lepas tu terjumpa pula dengan satu Dating Tips and Advice ni oleh Dr. Gilda Carle yang ada Ph.D di belakang namanya.

Dr. Gilda Carle

Kalau macam ni la rupa Doktor2 di Malaysia, aku rasa ramai orang lelaki rajin pergi kaunseling etc. Dah takda kemaluan yang nak diselindungkan, kan? Atau, senario kedua, Doktor2 begini akan menakutkan ramai orang dengan matanya yang terbeliak begitu dan bajunya yang terlondeh ya ampun.

Dalam short description di bawah artikel yang aku link - kan di atas, dinyatakan dia ni adalah :

"Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle (www.DrGilda.com) has a private practice, and is a motivational speaker and associate professor of business, psychology, and communications at New York’s Mercy College"

Tapi, kenapa aku tak yakin dengan beliau? Hahahahaha...

Okay, back to our main topi, cukup2 la mengumpat Dr yang ada Ph.D di belakang namanya.

Ini adalah artikel Dr. Gilda yang aku nak share :

Most of us — even the not-so-jealous types — know that feeling of, “Is my sweetheart really working late… or could this person be two-timing me?”

I’ve counseled many individuals dealing with this concern, so let me share my knowledge with you about the signs that someone is cheating (or seriously contemplating it).

Use this information and insight — and either stop worrying or have a serious talk with your partner!

Sign #1: Your sweetie keeps you a secret from his/her family and friends

Cheaters keep you in the dark while they play in the light. Your relationship won’t work if you’re getting what I call The Shadow Treatment. The Shadow Treatment means that you are often kept waiting in the wings while your mate is out socializing.

Think about it:

Are there gatherings of friends, family reunions or workplace parties that you are not invited to?

Do you only meet some of your honey’s network of friends?

If you are kept on the sidelines, there’s probably a good reason. Maybe your sweetie is on the prowl for someone else. Or perhaps there is already someone else and so your role in his or her life can’t be made public. Anytime you are kept on the fringes once you believe you are an exclusive couple, be suspicious.

And know that the only way to end Shadow Treatment is to stop accepting it. Once you challenge it, you will either be fully accepted in your sweetheart’s life… or know it’s time to leave

Sign #2: Your sweetie is emotionally absent

Cheaters conceal their emotional whereabouts so they can be evasive about their physical whereabouts. Love is exhausting when you have to pry the truth out of a partner.

Consider this story: After enjoying a platonic friendship for a decade, Margaret and Roy began dating. Roy was a traveling sales manager. While he was on the road, Margaret heard from him only occasionally. But he continued to say he wanted to spend more time with her — which he never did. Margaret was obviously a low priority for him. She was shocked to learn he had another girlfriend across the country.

An emotionally absent partner may say what you want to hear, but will not change his or her actions — unless he or she wants to. Saying the right thing and doing the right thing are very different. If your honey talks a good game about spending more time with you and paying more attention to you but never delivers — look out! This person may be juggling multiple relationships.

Sign #3: Your sweetie says he or she wants a no-strings-attached romance

If someone says, “I don’t want a commitment,” take the sucker at his or her word. Don’t fall into that “I’ll be the one to change all that!” trap. Cheaters rebel against control and might even have an affair to spite a partner who wants to rein him or her in.

Too often, people ignore the clear message a potential date sends. If someone tells you, “I’m not into serious relationships,” “I won’t give up my freedom,” “I’m not ready to settle down,” or anything resembling that, take a giant step back!

He or she is clearly telling you, “I want to play the field.” If you pursue the person anyway, hoping for an exclusive relationship, you may find yourself two-timed and brokenhearted.

Never push a person into a situation he or she doesn’t want to be in. Never pursue a committed relationship with someone who tells you he or she doesn’t want one.

Sign # 4: Your sweetie admits to cheating on exes — and justifies the betrayals

Cheaters rationalize their behavior to let themselves off the hook. The way they justify their actions tells much about their character.

Listen to the excuses for past cheating your sweetie uses. Here are a couple I’ve heard from clients in my therapy practice over the years:

• “My ex was abusive, so I deserved to see someone kinder on the side.”
• “My father cheated on my mom, so cheating on my girlfriend is how I’m working through my past.”

Everyone has a tale to tell. But are these excuses — or any rationalizations — acceptable to you?

A person who admits to infidelities in the past and explains them away has a good chance of straying again. He or she has not taken responsibility for past actions, nor worked through the issues involved.

Sign #5: Your sweetie has never been without a mate

Cheaters won’t ride solo... ever! Leaving one romance and hopping into a new one — or having simultaneous affairs at once — doesn’t leave time for assessing whatever went wrong.

They don’t bother with introspection; their focus is squarely set on pulling new people into their orbit. If you are dating a person who shares a romantic history that always involves finding a new partner before breaking up with the current partner, take heed.

This person may think of his or her mate only as a void-filler. Filling a void is never going to be the basis for a lasting love.

Sign #6: Your sweetie tells lies about little things

Cheaters lie about everything, which leads you to question what is truth and what is fiction in their lives. When the need to embroider overshadows the desire to be honest, the relationship becomes a sham.

Craig’s friend set him up on a blind date with a divorcée, Alice, who was a top attorney in town with no children. Each time they were together, Alice described her interesting caseload. Craig was fascinated — and falling hard. He was so caught up in her charismatic personality that he chose not to focus on the fact that some of her stories contradicted themselves, and that Alice seemed to change certain details as she got further into sharing her stories. One day, the local newspaper featured someone who had been indicted for impersonating an attorney. Craig was shocked to find that it was Alice — and that she was a wife and mother as well! Alice had lied to both Craig and his matchmaking friend.

If you are dating someone who seems to be untruthful about mundane topics — where he or she had lunch, what he or she is doing on Sunday morning — take note. The lies probably run deep. As my Gilda-Gram warns, “Without truth, there is no love.”

Sign #7: Your sweetie brags about his or her ability to attract others

Cheaters are insecure and need to be given constant attention on the side. They flaunt their popularity in attempts to boost their own low self-esteem.

Let me give you an example: Marilyn met a “hot guy” on a singles cruise, and the pair became inseparable for the week. When they returned home, they spoke to each other constantly. He sent her a plane ticket to visit him. While together, Hot Guy boasted that he was his town’s “go-to” date for all the lonely women. Instead of Marilyn reading that as a sign to stay away, she interpreted his description of himself as “cute.”

Visiting her two weeks later, he said he was available throughout the week — except for a lunch date he had with a woman he had just met. Marilyn found that peculiar, but said nothing. After a dinner party, he detailed how many women had made passes at him. Marilyn began feeling disrespected and put down by this kind of talk. Finally, after crying herself to sleep, she told Hot Guy he was too hot for her.

If a partner boasts how in demand he or she is by the opposite sex, recognize how insecure your date really is — and steer clear. A person like this probably needs more ego-stroking than any one person can provide... and will look anywhere in order to find it.

So now you know the signs that indicate that maybe your “sweetie” isn’t really such a sweetie after all. Life and love are all about learning.

Remember this Gilda-Gram: “Everyone who touches you, teaches you.” Instead of getting bummed out about a cheater who stole your heart, think of what you learned, and how your experience helped you to grow. Your new insight will arm you to attract someone more trustworthy in the future.

So, what do you think? ^^

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

No. I'm not doing the 30 Days Blog Challenge for a while.

I know we suppose to do it continuously, but, the hell... I'm not in the mood to talk something stupid right now hahaha.

So, RESPECT. What does respect means to you?

It's a big word for me.

I google-ed RESPECT and here's what I found :

"On a practical level respect includes taking someone's feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and preferences into consideration. It means taking all of these seriously and giving them worth and value. In fact, giving someone respect seems similar to valuing them and their thoughts, feelings, etc. It also includes acknowledging them, listening to them, being truthful with them, and accepting their individuality and idiosyncrasies.

Respect can be shown through behavior and it can also be felt. We can act in ways which are considered respectful, yet we can also feel respect for someone and feel respected by someone. Because it is possible to act in ways that do not reflect how we really feel, the feeling of respect is more important than the behavior without the feeling. When the feeling is there, the behavior will naturally follow."

The link is HERE. Go and read more if you want.

You guys familiar with the name Immanuel Kant?

Here's what he said about respect :

“Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or the person of any other, never simply as a means but always at the same time as an end” (Grundlegung zur Metaphysik der Sitten (Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals) (1785/1996, 4:429)

Definisi 'respect' atau 'hormat' adalah berbeza untuk setiap manusia. I believe, your definition of respect datang dari background on how you were brought up.

Senang cakap :

Lebih diajar atau kurang (di)ajar.

Aku pun ada definition of respect yang aku sendiri pegang. Paling mudah rasanya.

Kau respect aku, aku respect kau.

Easy, no? There are several types of people yang aku sangat2 anti or tak suka. Salah satunya adalah orang yang memang tak reti nak hormat kat orang lain - How? Dalam banyak cara.

Tujuan aku membincangkan (ceh) topik ni bukan sebab aku nak bagitau dunia bahawa aku adalah orang yang sangat menghormati orang lain, no. Aku jugak, in my own way, sometimes (or most of the times) bersifat cilakak and buat orang bengkak hati.

Tujuan aku cuma nak meluahkan ketidakpuasan hati. Kiranya macam luahan hati terpendam la.

Here's what I really don't like. Senarai kebencian dan ke'antian' aku terhadap perangai beberapa insan yang tak reti nak memahami dan sensitif terhadap perasaan orang lain :

Aku paling tak suka, bila aku tengah bercakap, orang buat tak pedulik or tak pandang muka. Rasa macam aku bercakap dengan dinding atau dengan orang pekak. You know what, orang - orang macam ni betul - betul buat bengkak hati. But when you talk to me, or to others, YOU DEMAND atttention. Ko nak orang dengar and pandang muka kau. Kau nak orang RESPECT and listen to you, pay attention to you when you're talking. Kalau kau tau kau ada perasaan macam tu, kau ingat orang lain tak ada?

Can't you do the same for others? Bodoh...

What do I normally or usually do to people like this?

Well, easy. Ever heard of the Golden Rule?

I know my version of Golden Rule is very different from what all these religions talk about but sometimes, SOMETIMES, you have to improvise a bit.

So, what I'll do is, whenever that person is talking, I'll try not to look at him/her the way he/she did to me. Just wanna give that person a taste of their own medicine. I bet that doesn't taste good, right? Well, serve him/her right. Sapa suruh kurang ajar in the first place.

Memang kurang ajar la kan. Orang bercakap, ko tak pandang. Sapa ajar jadi kurang ajar sangat macam tu?

And kadang - kadang, what makes me really, really piss off is when I ask something, loud and clear, like, there's no one else there except the two of you, and that person didn't even say a word in reply. What the hell. Pernah kena tak? Ada rasa - rasa nak sepak terajang tak orang tu? Or you wish that person takde mulut or takde lidah langsung untuk bercakap? Ada kan? Kan? Kan? Mannn...this really piss me off.

Another thing is mood swings. Yeah, fucking mood swings.

If a girl ada mood swing during her time of the month, that, I can understand. But if bukan masa sebulan sekali tu and a guy ada mood swing, I really feel like killing people.

Like, one minute you're okay. Suddenly you're angry for no reason or reason we don't know. Or you wake up in a very angry state... Mimpi apa? Didn't get fucked in your dream is it? Fuck you mood swingers...!!!!

Aku pun kadang - kadang ada mood swing. Semakin teruk sekarang sebab orang - orang di sekitar kawasan berdekatan aku juga always have this. I'm tired of melayan orang - orang macam ni. Okay when they want to and not okay when they want to. Sesuka hati je.

There are lots of things yang membuatkan berlakunya mood swing. Problems, tension sebab problems (why do I fell it's the same thing as the previous one?) and etc.

Well, what ever it is, you HAVE NO RIGHT untuk melepaskan marah towards others. If you really really can't control your own fucking expression or feeling, then go somewhere ALONE and where there are no people yang ko kenal and layan la mood swing tu kat situ sorang - sorang.

Instead of bashing people and replying others with harsh words and tone and showing your stupid face yang bertukar every minute, why not go somewhere, settle down you feeling and then face the crowd again - dengan muka yang sedap mata memandang!

I did this most of the times. Because it's unfair to treat people, or to berdepan dengan orang-orang yang bukan punca masalah aku and show them my stupid depressed face. And, being a hot temper person I am, dalam keadaan macam ni, I can be harsh. So, that's one good reason for me untuk berjalan sorang-sorang or spend time sorang and get my feelings settle sebelum aku berdepan semula dengan orang-orang yang tidak menyumbang kepada depression aku.

Cuma, if I feel like ada orang treat me differently - melayan dengan muka babi-tak-tentu-pasal, I'll apply my Golden Rule. Yeah, Golden Rule rocks to the max. Sometimes, memang ada orang - orang macam ni. Ntah what his/her probelm is, kita tanya baik - baik, tetiba menjawab dengan cilakak, mau tak panas hati? Kita tak buat apa-apa tiba-tiba kena herdik macam tu. Memang orang tu kurang ajar la. And I'll give back what that person give back to me. Or sometimes, kalau aku rasa malas nak melayan perangai bodoh tu, I'll just leave that person alone. Mampos kau la nak melayan mood swing tu sorang-sorang. Buduh...

Next thing.

Being around kids in universities, I act like one too. Sebab aku tak nak ada gap, or tak nak ada perasaan yang lain-lain... How do I make this simpler? pendek kata, i don't want people to see me as an older me.

But that doesn't mean ko boleh layan aku macam ko layan adik kau dalam SEMUA SITUASI.

I didn't ask for orang-orang yang aku kenal untuk panggil aku kakak or sis sebab aku rasa there's no need to do that sebab aku percaya, I BELIEVE, respect itu ada dalam diri masing-masing. But malangnya, not everyone ada perasaan hormat tu tertanam dalam diri.

Kurang ajar sometimes. To the extend aku rasa macam,

"What am I? Their sis/bro? Or someone yang diorang rasa diorang tak boleh respect langsung?"

What incident membuatkan aku bercakap macam ni?

1. No sense of respect bila bercakap. Kalau bercakap, asyik nak menengking (bersangkutan dengan mood swing) or bercakap ikut suka hati nak guna harsh tone.
2. When I walk, you came up to me and you greet me dengan wanna punch me in my face. I don't mind with a slap on my back but if you dare to lift up your dirty hand dekat dengan muka aku, you'll gonna get it from me.
3. I have name, don't call me 'oi, oi,oi' or whatever fucking stupid names.
4. When I wanna say something and I say "excuse me", you give me your stupid "talk to the hand" fucking face.
5. Aku bertanya dengan baik and you reply dengan nada yang sangat kurang ajar, kasar.
6. Don't know your limit or space or level - certain times - bila bergaul dengan orang yang lebih tua.

And more. Kalau aku nak list kan, sampai esok tak habis.

I think, aku dah meletakkan darjat aku as someone older than most of my coursemate or friends in university lebih rendah dari yang sepatutnya dengan berperangai seperti sekarang. I dun set any barriers yang aku rasa boleh buat orang menjauhkan diri dari aku. I act foolish, most of the times - I admit that. And sometimes more foolish than most of you. Cos I dun wanna be orang yang agak - agak macam poyo etc...

But ada certain time, aku rasa, ada sesetengah orang betul-betul went overboard. I have my own ego also sebagai orang yang lebih dulu makan garam (walaupun cuma beberapa tahun wtf).

I don't mind gurauan etc. Cuma perangai yang kurang ajar aku tak boleh nak terima. Do you do that to your elders? If yes, well, no wonder you're a jackass.

Sometimes I wonder, if I acted my age when I first come in, will the situation be different now?

Agak-agak, kalau aku bawa perangai masa diploma dulu, takkan ada orang tahan kot. If you guys really want me to be my age then I will.

Aku rasa, to certain people in my school, aku dah start buat perangai macam ni kot. Sebab dah sampai tahap aku rasa macam, kurang ajar sangat. I don't want you to use unproper language atau expression the way you would use dengan orang yang sebaya dengan kau.

And lagi, we don't really know each other. Baru dua tahun lebih, it's not enough to give you the right untuk layan aku macam ko dah kenal aku 10 tahun, okay?

To those yang rasa-rasa dia ada dalam senarai di atas, please, have respect for others. I will try to respect you more if you can at least cut some of your nonsense.

Why suddenly this post?

Sebab someone, accidently buat aku naik angin tadi and I bet that person is waiting for me to post up something in facebook - like I usually do. Little did that person know aku akan call and menghambur sepuas mungkin. And this post is for you. Yes, you fuckhead.